remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
