Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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