the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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