Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(330): View more from Ohio

i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.

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(316): View more from Kansas

No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.

Fav 71 1136 6497
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(480): View more from Arizona

I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing

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(410): View more from Maryland

I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm

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(517): View more from Michigan

All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.

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(949): View more from California

i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love

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(503): View more from Oregon

When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse

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