you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
