Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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