I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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