I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize
