im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
