I'd wear matching sweaters with you
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
