Heybabeimwearingurpanties
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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