I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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