My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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