Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
we're making bets on your personal life
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize