Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
