Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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