i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
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He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
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I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
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