Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
