i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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