i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Randomize
