im about as happy as oj after his trial
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
