well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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