so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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