Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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