BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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