I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I need mimosas to revive my soul
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
