A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
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