No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I puked a lego.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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