Screwed.edu
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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