I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize