i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I need to calm my uterus...
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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