I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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