My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
