Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
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