OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize