and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
