I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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