So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
