Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
