i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
