i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I want to have your abortion
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
