i don't like sucking hair
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
