This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
You're breaking my sexual little heart
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
