You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
