My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
