I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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