turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
