WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
