I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
