Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
