i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
