im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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