opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
