I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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