There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
