If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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