Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
