"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
