I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
