I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Enjoy the penises
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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