eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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