paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
