How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
