Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Randomize
