I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
