I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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