Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
