it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
