I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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