I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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