Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
so that wasnt chicken after all
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i was born a porn star she said
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I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I didn't notice because vodka
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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