my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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