I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
