Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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