I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Bring me that man meat
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
