It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
